Ladies and gentlemen, it has been 16 months since hubby or I have had any consistent, quality sleep. SIXTEEN months.
I am fully aware that having a baby means you give up some of that precious sleep. Newborns are up frequently and need you for absolutely everything. No sleep is par for the course for parents around the world. Even those crazy infants that sleep 8 hours still get up at night or super early in the morning. Babies equal loss of sleep. Got it.
But I’m not talking about the expected loss of sleep. I EXPECTED to be tired, I EXPECTED never to sleep in again, and I EXPECTED to need a little coffee boost. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about having one of those kiddos that fights sleep like it’s the enemy. One of those kiddos that has the seemingly superhuman ability to keep you up all night and still have the energy to keep you up all day. One of those kiddos that you’re thankful is cute because that’s the only thing keeping you from trading them in.
We have one of those kiddos.
This post is for the mommas and daddies who love their kiddos with all of their heart but also would sell a kidney to get just one good night’s sleep.
Sleep Training Doesn’t Work.
Ok. Ok. For “typical” babies sleep training may work. If you were successful in getting your 6 month old to sleep through the night, be thankful. Be very thankful. (You lucky ducks… This post isn’t really for you but keep reading for some entertainment!)
It is my belief that some kiddos are so strong willed that no type of sleep training will defeat their drive to be awake.
Rewind to infancy. I was adamant that I would not let babes “cry it out”, under no circumstances. She was colicky, extremely colicky. In my heart I believed no matter how much she screamed, it was better she screamed in the comfort of my arms than alone in her crib. Besides, my eardrums were blown anyway. So, I would hold her and rock for hours and just let her cry on me, but God forbid I lay her down and let her cry alone.
As she grew out of the colicky phase, we had this magical belief that sleep would naturally become part of our lives again.
Nope… With each passing month we just kept thinking “it HAS to get better” and with each passing month not much changed.
Enter Sleep Training.
Colic had passed. Babes wasn’t in discomfort. The kid just wouldn’t sleep! My bloodshot eyed, stressed, and frankly frazzled looking hubby said we needed to try something and I agreed!
We started out with the “no cry method”. I read every book (ok, maybe just the highlights. Who has time to read a whole book when they get 2 hours of sleep a day?!), pinned every article related to sleep on Pinterest, and skimmed through THOUSANDS of forum responses.
“It takes time.” “Be consistent.” “Don’t give up.” These people are clearly no up very 45 minutes, living on coffee, and feeling like their brain was eaten by a zombie. “Be consistent”?! At 4 in the morning on day 6 of “training” consistency & patience goes out the window. I don’t care if I had to co-sleep and nurse or if you told me I had to sleep outside in the rain. If it got me sleep I would do it!!
Fast forward a few months. I’m nearly ashamed to admit it, because if you haven’t been to this level of sleep deprivation it might not make sense, but the “cry it out” method even became something we were willing to try. And oh did we cry. All of us!
My heart broke.
In the beginning I would pace by the door, anxious and usually a teary mess, but if it would get the baby to sleep… It was worth a try right? The books taunt us that 3 days of parental torture will reward you with a baby that sleeps through the night.
Some nights I would have to go outside, leave my husband to listen to this poor little baby’s screams. We tried a modified version of “cry it out” (because I couldn’t handle the suggested amounts of time leaving her cry) for a few weeks.
No change in sleep. The books say that crying does no harm to the babes. “Make sure she’s full, has a clean diaper & is warm enough.” The books may be backed by research, but I call bullsh*t.
Crying is a stress response. It releases stress hormones. A small to moderate amount of crying for a babes is fine. Get the stress out kid. Express your emotions. BUT the hour of painful screams sometimes resulting in gagging can not put a kid in a state ready for peaceful sleep. No way. Plus, as soon as you pick the kiddo up they basically collapse from exhaustion and then usually pass out. Maybe that’s what they mean by the “cry it out” method getting the baby to sleep?…
It’s Amazing What You Can Accomplish on ZERO Sleep.
For those of you stay at home mommas or daddies, I promise I’m not trying to lessen how bad it is or was for you. BUT if you haven’t tried staying up ALL night then working either a 12 or a 16 hour shift at a busy emergency room, I highly suggest it!
Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, a highly effective one. The fact that hubby and I were surviving the night AND keeping people alive during the day means to me that we apparently could handle torture tactics like a BOSS. Mind you that there are days that are simply a blur, nights I don’t remember, and weeks that all meshed together, but hey, we survived.
Some of you may have other kiddos. I have NO IDEA how you do that! I had to tell our dog to take care of himself some days. Not sure what I would do with a toddler running around. But you get it done! You get breakfast together, clean the house (mostly), run errands, pack lunches, act as an Uber driver, make dinner, play with your older kids and THEN stay up all night again. AMAZING!
I used to be a walking zombie if I got less than 8 hours. Now, give me a 2 hour solid nap and I think I’m superwoman! A few cups of coffee help with that.
These Babes are Tricky.
Just when you think you’re making some progress. JUST when you think you’re finally going to see the inside of your eyelids for more than a few hours a night. JUST when your body starts to realize what it was missing out on. JUST when babes starts to go down easily, sleeps nearly through the night and makes you think you’ve finally accomplished the impossible… BAM that babe laughs right at you.
Maybe it’s teething, maybe babes is sick, maybe they just have a sick sense of humor. Whatever the reason babes is back to fighting sleep like Rocky.
The rollercoaster of sleep started when babes was right at 1 year. We came home from a long vacation, laid her in her crib, and next thing we knew it was 7 o’clock in the morning and we were rushing in to make sure babes was still alive.
This glorious pattern lasted for a week or so. Oh, I dream about that week sometimes. Babes would let us rock her gently to sleep in her room, barely stirred when we lied her in her crib, then wake up around 6 or 7 in the morning just staring at the monitor until we came in and happily scooped her up. We were bright eyed and bushy tailed. The birds sang louder. The sun shined brighter. The whole world was a better place.
And then…
2 am and you hear that familiar sound. You hope you’re dreaming but that sound just gets louder and louder until you can no longer ignore the fact that it’s real. Babes is awake…
You bounce, you sing, you shhhhh, you walk, you nurse but that baby just can’t be beat. She’s up and so are you. Goodbye sleep.
It’s been over 4 months since that glorious week of sleep. Since then we have cycled back and forth. As soon as I think we are winning the battle we are rudely snapped back to reality. I’m pretty positive babes is secretly doing it on purpose. Pretty sure I see a little smirk on her face as I come stumbling in at 3am.
Sneaky babies.
It DOES Get Better.
There’s no magic advice I can give you. There’s no book you can read, product you can buy, or Indian sleep dance that is going to turn your sleep fighter in to a sleep lover. It’s just time. Time and I suppose a little bit of consistency from you as a parent.
Mind you this is just personal experience and every kid varies, but know that if you give in and let them sleep in your bed every night, that’s where they’re going to stay. Keep trying. Make their bedtime a little routine, whatever that means to you. It’s going to take some trial and error for you to figure out what works. For us it’s dinner, shower (mostly playing on the floor while I shower), quiet cuddle and play time, then to babe’s room for a lullaby and her crib.
Does she go to sleep every night? ABSOLUTEY NOT. Does it work 60% of the time? Sure does! And every so often we put babes to sleep and she won’t wake up until 5, 6, or even 7 in the morning. GASP! Those are wonderful unicorn nights and we cherish those.
For the most part though it’s still a battle. It’s me rocking her until my arms fall off only to hear a shrill cry as I attempt to place her in her crib. It’s my hubby bouncing a screaming toddler as I clean up the vomit from us letting her “cry it out” for a few minutes – she really works herself up! It’s the two of us chugging coffee and red bull in order to function in life.
BUT as time goes on we get more nights of going down easily, longer times between wake ups, fewer all nighters, and more of those elusive sleep nights. It may not feel like it, but you will too. Here’s to all of the parents with the sleep fighters for kids. Only we can truly understand the meaning of tired.
Related: No Sleep? It’s OK Mommas
We Survived a Cranky Toddler on a Plane. You Can Too
The Speed Bumps of Traveling with Kids and How to Avoid Them
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Winslet is 3 and we still have trouble with sleep! It was so much better after she was 2.5 but she still is really difficult to get to sleep. Once she is asleep she stays asleep, most of the time. I always tell her she is lucky she is cute!
Jenni don’t tell me that! Haha. We’ve had regression this week and she clings to us like her life depends on it when we try to lay her in her crib. I’ve said that so many times “lucky she’s cute”. It’s her saving grace.
I keep telling myself that smart kids are stubborn like this 😉
Ha, well now we are in the nap/no nap struggle. Last night (after no nap and a late night the night before) she slept for 13 hours! But today she wouldn’t nap and is a beast. I tried for 2 weeks with no nap and we were both miserable so we are back to a shorter nap but bedtime is rough. I’m thankful Riley and Brady sleep or I would be afraid she never will. Someday she will sleep and hopefully I will too ?♀️.
My son is just over 2yrs old. He didn’t start being a good sleeper until he was almost 2. He had constant recurrent ear infections and sleep was terrible!!! I feel you. On top of that, my son was seriously a Fear of Missing out Baby. He fought sleep so hard. I hope it gets better for you.
“Fear of missing out baby”. I love that! That’s exactly what we have on our hands.
To be honest, since I’ve written this post it’s already gotten better. We actually took the advice of another mom and got rid of babe’s crib. She has a queen mattress on the floor and she rolls around like crazy on it. Without the crib rails she doesn’t wake herself up nearly as much. Which means… We’re getting a little more sleep!!
I really do appreciate the support because Lord knows tires moms need it!
This was an entertaining read on my first night home with baby #2. We’re absurdly lucky that our first child sleeps so well. I forgot how difficult it is in the beginning.
It’s amazing how you know they’re either tired, hungry, or need a diaper change -but deciding which is which while on no sleep, they’re squealing like a piglet and turning red from exhaustion..ooh it’s fun!
I can totally relate to this post. My child isn’t even 9 months old yet and he is on the go all the time with no need for rest! Our daycare guy says he thinks of him as a toddler at this point because of the drawers, cupboards, etc. he gets into. He has always been ready for the next thing and crawled up the steps today (with us behind him of course).
Anyhow, I studied giftedness for my master’s – and if it makes you feel any better – your active baby is possibly highly gifted. Early need for little sleep is a sign… (If you think this child will have an “easy time” in school, however, watch out)!
I enjoyed you on The FI Show podcast btw!
Oh my gosh how I would love to pick your brain!!
Babes is almost 2 at this point and sleep is becoming a bit easier but still no sleeping beauty on our hands.
I know parents always say how smart their kiddos are, but we have a lot of peers with babes the same age and I can see the differences. She began talking before 1 and by 20 months was speaking in 3 word sentences. Now at 22 months she knows her colors, can count to 3, and speaks in logical, full sentences. My mind is blown daily.
I honestly felt like she was a little difficult early on because she was frustrated. She knew she wanted to be independent but couldn’t I suppose. Anyway, thank you for that. It’s nice to hear that my theory wasn’t just a way to keep my sanity during the no sleep phase!